help me revised and edit my paper and also my grammar
Disney World is a place where anyone dreams to work in. Even through, personal experiences could easily change one?s perspective about the place. Ross Perlin's in his Essay ?Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom" depicts a real life account of working in Disney World internship program. However, it is important to point out that Perlin?s essay suffers from diverse weaknesses including bias, poor thesis statement as well as unfounded arguments.
The author, Perlin (2012), presents bias point of view. Perlin declares several interviews from people who have been through Disney internship program. As readers, we don't know if the given information and the experiences from the employees are actually true. For instance, students would respond to the interview negatively. One example is, interns often have no regular schedules and if there were open shifts, they had to take responsibility of the shift on their own while there were located in different places (672.2). Namely, an intern would have to change schedule due to a new merchandising interns. Sometimes interns would be pushed out of their jobs as a result of hiring too many people by the organizations that offered them placement. Most of the interns were upset about having a low pay check of two dollars as the rest of the money was taken out for rent and bills. When employees would inquire about working overtime, they were informed that it was impossible to go overtime in their schedule (672.3). This unfair practice shows that internship programs have a perception of not being fair to their employees nor showing them that they care about them
Perlin presents an actual reasonable thesis statement despite the fact that it appears contradictory. Interestingly, she presents a one-sided argument that is positive and negative toward. Disney World internship program (Perlin, 2012). Perlin?s thesis statement posit that
Disney World have the best internship programs that include, minimum wage, corporate paradise, and is endorsed by numerous schools and students. However, when he begins to present his discussion, it becomes clear that she opts to argue against the program by addressing many factors against the program. It appears to the reader that her main objective was to entertain and inform the reader but in a biased manner. To begin with, he makes use of statistical evidence to argue against the program. For instance, he points out the internship students wage makes $9 on an hour while twenty- year veterans earn $13 an hour below (669.3). From this data she makes the conclusion that interns are subjected to humiliation by being paid meagerly. The second argument advanced by Perlin relates to the corporate paradise based upon the thought of corporate treatment to the employees. The author further invokes reasons why the internship students are not successful in their work (663.2). He attributes this failure to factors such lack of supervision, absence of proper training, and the absence of mentoring among interns. Perlin concludes her arguments with an ironical twist. Perlin does this by explaining how the number of student interns has continued to increase over the years despite the ill treatment they face. For instance, she argues that fifty thousand interns in Florida and California have been employed over a period of thirty years (665.4). Although these statics are logical, he appears unreasonable for failing to provide supporting evidence for thesis statement.
Perlin mentions the fact that Disney's internship program is a successful educational program for the students (Perlin, 2012). In particular for the argument, Perlin doesn't hold strong reasoning to support what he is saying. Perlin describes the lack of job losses, depressed wages and lower tax receipts for local government as his main points. Interns don't have any benefits in or out of the Disney World internship program. Even when the company has saved hundreds of millions in dollars over the years, it still does not want to pass on the benefits to their employees. Perlin's arguments are not strong to support what he's trying to say about the successful program Disney World holds.
Perlin's essay has a weak and poor arguments, thesis statement, and unfound arguments. The goal for his essay is making his arguments/evidence supportable to back up his thesis statement. Perlin's arguments cannot be defined and hence are uncomfortable for the reader. It is also difficult to understand where his position lies. His essay is meant to be only informative, letting the readers make up their own minds about Disney. Perlin's essay could be better to understand if the he changed the way he writes as well as his thoughts on different perspectives that he takes on his essay. Perlin's experiences and perspectives about Disney World can be different from other people but still express better reasoning to the readers.
Disney World is a place where anyone dreams to work in. Even though, personal
experiences could easily change one's perspective about the place. In Ross perlin?s
essay, "Down and Out in the...
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